Night time thoughts in the daytime world

It seems like at night I have these big ambitious plans. I think I can make the world better. I think I can survive a while. I think someone can really love me for the real true me inside me. Then the light of day comes and I get caught up in all the petty bullshit that we all get caught in and I forget my dreams and ambitions. I forget what I need to do to make the world better. I forget how I can contribute. I remember some damn guy or other and how he slighted me or is he thinking about me or does he love me. I gotta stop this shit. It is so important that I bring the bigger me into play in the daylight. The dreamer me is so much more me than the person I present to the world. Michele said I was sending in my representative for these dates with the yummy yum yum man lately. But the truth is he gets the real me. The one no one else is privy to. I don't know what made me introduce the truth to him in the beginning but it's so dn liberating to be real with someone. I am scared as shit about it too but what a relief to not have to pretend constantly. So I've gotta remember this shit. Write it down. And share it with some people. Even if it's only yyy at first. Eventually I have to bring my thoughts out to play with others or I'm afraid I'll lose them. And I can't become some figment of Ginger or mom or dad. I am worth knowing. I say true things. People should know me.